To enjoy it, you need to own it
I only get to enjoy what I own as a creation of mine.
Brief context, as to convey to you what I mean: there are a few things I’ve been resisting. Projects I’ve been involved with and things I’ve been doing, as part of my engagement in such endeavors.
At times, immersed in my resistance, I’ve made my experience miserable. Out of feeling confronted by the circumstances I’ve found myself in. Out of entertaining the stories that follow a question like “What the fuck am I doing here?” or “Why did I get into this?”
I’ve declared that’s not what I want to be doing. I’ve reduced my involvement. I’ve quit on doing certain things. I’ve detached. I’ve set boundaries.
But two things are still the same:
- I’m still involved in those projects. To a lesser degree than before, but still in.
- I am still responsible to take care of some things as part of my agreed upon role.
Bottom line: I’m still dealing with my resistance.
Until I don’t. Either because I fully quit, or because I fully engage.
The middle term in which the resistance remains, is a miserable place to be. You know, like in “I don’t hate it as to say what the fuck and send it to hell, but I don’t like it either and would rather not be here”.
Resistance is not meant to be sustained. It’s meant to be used as a signal for change. As a call to change your perception, process, or place.
You either change how you see and relate to that which you’re resisting, or you change the way in which you’re doing what you’re doing, or you shift to doing something different altogether.
In my current and particular context, there’s still a relevance for me to keep on being involved in the projects I’ve been resisting. I feel there are things in there for me, in terms of my personal evolution.
So I’m choosing not to drop it. Not to quit.
There are two options left, then. One is to keep resisting it. The other: to get to enjoy it!
To that end, I need to own that which I have been resisting. I have to own it as the choice it has been and still is. As an expression of my free will to embrace something that deep inside, I know is relevant for me. It’s significant. It’s full of potential.
Even if it’s just for me to own my power in this way, and to expand into a space of awareness and intentionality that’s beyond my resistance.
I need to own that I’m making this choice as to, from that inner space, own the choice to have fun.
Then to take my intention to enjoy it, to match what I now see as obvious: I need not to embrace it as if I loved it; I actually need to choose to love it.
To love the challenge. To tune into “how would it be — and what would I choose — if I would love this project fully? If I would fully love the role I get to play in it?”
I need to own that which I choose to still be a part of. I need to own — and love — that which I intend to enjoy.
To transform the resistance and move into flow and fun, I need to own the energy I choose to bring on.
